Independence

What does it mean to be independent? Here are some definitions:

1) Not subject to control by others

2) Not requiring or relying on something else

3) Not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood)

I have always been pretty independent, but no one starts independent. On my trip I've had the chance to stay with friends who have children of all ages - the youngest being 6 weeks old, and the eldest being a teenager. Babies are quite obviously dependent on everyone and everything around them to exist and survive in this world. Teenagers on the other hand are somewhat independent depending on the situation. It's amazing how humans gradually become independent adults. 

However, as we move through adulthood we are still learning about more about being independence – there are still a lot of firsts to get through. For example: making decisions about jobs/work, buying a house, setting up retirement funds, doing taxes, managing a budget, moving for work to a new city, dealing with illness and death of family members/parents/grandparents…etc. Each step has a new element of risk to it, and when we take that risky move it pushes us to a new level of independence.

Independence is a learned trait. The more you practice, the more skilled you become at handling these situations. And skill can be quite impressive. I’m always impressed with people who know all the angles for filing taxes, or people who have interviewed and negotiated for jobs/salaries so much that they are great at getting exactly what they want/need, or people who can flip houses or purchase property and turn a profit. These folks had to start somewhere before they became experts.

In sports, some of the learned skills from being independent are what I call, “party tricks” such as:

• Carrying oars and a single at the same time on a long hike to/from the docks (especially AFTER a hard workout)
• Knocking a water bottle off the road using the front tire of the bike while competing in the Tour de France (did you see that happen – amazing!)
• Being able to independently get upright again in the chair after getting knocked over during a wheelchair basketball game
• A completely blind slalom athlete who is able to recover from a slip-up on the slopes during the Paralympics and somehow stay on course

These things do not just happen, or come naturally to anyone. They require a desire to master the sport, some attempts that include failures, and a mental approach that is full of grit. All of these things also don’t necessarily make you win or faster, but they show a lot of comfort with the equipment and make people aware that they have spent a lot of time practicing. This is why they can be so impressive to witness – because you KNOW they have worked hard to make these things look easy.

If someone is always doing something for you, you never learn you can do it for yourself. Imagine the situations listed above not being done alone, but done with help. With becoming independent people need to have the ability to fail and succeed depending on their own effort, then learn from the experience to apply it for next time. Hence why over-protective parents hurt the future independence of their children, right? They never learn for themselves how to do and handle things without help. To gain such a high level of skilled independence you have to have faith that you will adapt and figure things out, or as Nike would say, “Just Do It.”

I think most people would agree that this trip I'm on at the moment requires a pretty high level of independence. However, there is a whole new level of independence that I'm finding both in how I handle the logistics of things and in realizing and appreciating my independence in a deeper way. 

The biggest logistic concern I had about my trip before setting out was how I would handle the dynamic of traveling with a boat and a dog everywhere.

• How will I get around cities (and park) with a huge boat on my car or will I need to/be able to find places to store it (for free)?
• Will I be able to get my boat off/on my car by myself?
• Where can I launch to row at all my stops? Will there be water access?
• How will I go rowing when I have Bundle with me? 
• Will Bundle be good? Will I be able to manage and coach her as needed? 
• How will Bundle handle kids, other dogs, cats, chickens at all the places I’m staying? 
• How can I keep Bundle cool through the hot and/or humid climates? 

These are questions that come up constantly and that can't necessarily be planned 100%. But until I just get going I won't know if it will work or not, so I had to have a level of faith that it will work out. I can't prepare for everything, I just have to go for it and figure it out. Somehow, so far, it has worked out!

Being an AB, I have very little idea what it’s like to go out into this world independently in a wheelchair. From interacting with friends and athletes in chairs I have learned to analyze the answers to these following few questions about every single place I go from the perspective of someone with a disability. It is interesting to gain awareness to things that for so many years you never had on your radar.

-       Will there be parking that someone in a wheelchair can get into/out of?

-       Can someone in a wheelchair get into the place where I’m going?

-       If he/she can get in, is the bathroom accessible?

Having additional logistics to think through about my trip (dog/boat) is maybe giving me a bit of an idea of the logistics some of my friends and athletes have to think through or prepare to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Just because there are uncertainties doesn’t mean I should limit any of my activities, after all, my friends and athletes who have to deal with additional logistics don’t limit themselves, so why should I?

After six weeks, I’m starting to develop some of those party trick skills with my boat and dog too. And these party tricks are helping me navigate the next stops more independently and with more confidence in my ability to get around.

Carrying my boat has been one of the more stressful things. When you have it in one spot at your home boathouse, you get used to getting it down and putting it back in one way over and over and over again. You get REALLY good at it. It can then be a challenge to adapt to carrying it a million different ways in different places. Also, every boat club has their own culture of dock etiquette. For example, at the Pocock Center in Seattle the etiquette is to spend no more than 20 seconds with your boat on the dock before removing it or shoving off. Not that someone has a timer, but literally people are standing there waiting to put boats in right next to you while others are docking as if you weren't there because "you'll be gone by the time my boat drifts into place." So amazing to see this well oiled machine work in the morning, but kinda stressful for a first-timer in that culture. I wouldn't have known I could be so fast on/off the dock until I was forced to try it. Guess what? I figured it out! Another boat carrying example has been getting my boat on/off my car by myself. My shining moment recently was when I was putting it back on the top of a rolling rack using a step ladder using a similar method I use for putting it on my car and having someone see this and actually tell me, "that's a nifty trick." I might have even blushed a little at that one. I have a new relationship with my boat, one where I feel pretty capable of how to handle her in most situations, and that I can do it fairly quickly and skillfully. I'm even able to carry my oars and boat a long distance after a workout now :) 

As for Bundle, she has been a trooper and we haven't had any real issues. I'm glad I did some serious thinking before I left about what she might need on the trip. One of the hardest things with her has been figuring out how to get her to eat regularly - both of us have lost a little weight on this trip. It’s taken some time, but we’ve figured out how to make it feel enough like home on the road for her to be comfortable and be on some type of feeding schedule. This trip has enhanced our relationship so much. She and I are able to read each other that much better these days, and we are better at handling what life throws at us. For example, prior to this trip I've never tied up Bundle outside of a store before, and now she handles that well and even enjoys it. I’ve also learned that she can be quite protective of me – something I never thought she was capable of with her sweet demeanor towards everyone and everything. We have both adjusted to this new way of living and are enjoying the adventure together.

Point of all of this is: keep challenging yourself to become more independent. The more you do, the more you learn about yourself and learn skills that will come in handy later. That and don’t limit yourself. Life is supposed to be risky – that’s what keeps us growing. If you only do things you feel safe and comfortable doing, life will be pretty dull.