YOUR future

I was talking with my friend who is a pretty serious runner these days, Ben Durrant, who is in the Coast Guard on the Olympic Peninsula.

Picture of Ben, his father and I at the top of Mount Storm King

He was telling me about the book that talks about using the toe shoes to run that proved to be very effective for the author. Then I saw some running sandals for the first time in Seattle with another running friend Sara Dwyer who finds them to help keep her limbs running efficiently and safely so that hopefully she can run for more years of her life with fewer injuries. 



These are great products and help these two do what they love. They came to these conclusions, differing conclusions, after trying out many types of footwear over decades of running, learning from other runners, and paying attention to their bodies. They want to run well for a lifetime, and are actively pursuing that. They know how to train, what to wear, what their body needs and it's up to them to be independent enough to put all the information together in a meaningful way that is relevant to them specifically. The moral of these stories is that YOU know YOU. No book, no recommendation, no outline should dictate any aspect of your life. You alone, as an independent person and independent thinker, takes everything into consideration and decides for yourself what you want to do, and how you want to do it. Listening to your body to not push it too far too fast, but to still push yourself. A coach can help give you direction, but YOU know YOU. It should be a two-way dialogue and ultimately you get to call the shots. 

Another friend in Seattle, Joachim, was talking with me about how some people allow past experiences or things they have seen effect their own personal future. Some examples might include: - My friend has a really annoying child, so I'm never having kids
- No one in my family has had a successful marriage, so I don't believe in marriage
- I've never been good at art, so I'm never going to try anything artistic
- I had a really bad experience at church once, so I'm never going to be open to going to church again
- I had a difficult upbringing, so I would be a lousy mother/father 
- I don’t like sports because I’ve never been good at any of them
- I’ve never been good at dating, why even bother anymore 
- I can't do a push up because I've never been able to do one
I've been guilty of saying a few of these myself at certain times. Every statement implies a lack of grit shows an acceptance that failure is permanent/inevitable in each situation. Instead, how great would it be to realize that each of us has the power to change our own future, and not "own" these negative thoughts forever.

As the Landmark Forum says, "Some people perceive their future in terms of their past, using past traumas to interpret and predict what will happen to them in the future. The problem with most people is that they put their past where their future should be." I only did the Landmark Forum’s intro course once, but I definitely took this tenet away with me and have held on to it for many years. Keep the past in the past. The future should be kept shiny and new. Like I say in rowing, “Don’t worry about your last stroke, focus on your next one.” 

At a small group session I was in recently the facilitator used the statement, "What happens here stays here, what's learned here leaves here." I think we should have this same approach about our past. Leave it in the past, but learn from it and move on taking it with you to help with your independent thinking and decision making, but not allowing it to hold you back.

Two people who I have really enjoyed watching over many years forge their own future without letting the past creep in are Jeremy and Karissa Lightsmith who live in Seattle with their baby Mika. I've known these two for a decade or so through the swing/blues dance community. There are so many things that they have done that show that they are living a new life - not one that could ever have been predicted for them based on their past. A very basic example is the fact that when they got married they merged their names into a new last name Stell-Smith + Light = Lightsmith. Both of them took the new name.  Seeing them over the years and seeing how they have shaped and developed their relationship, their friends, their community, their child - it is a pleasure because it is so unique and so perfectly them. They have had faith that they can make it work with their signature on it and I am definitely in it for the long haul to see how they continue forging new territory. I want to see what they do next and see who their incredible kid grows up to be.  I am so glad I have so many friends like this, and that I’m getting to spend time with so many of them on this trip. It is encouraging to be surrounded by people who are facing life with a curious and fresh approach; people who know themselves and are seeing how they can make (not find) a place in this world. 

SUMMARY (Grit, Independence and YOUR future)Three of my latest blogs had a similar theme. Put together, I hope, for myself, that I will continue to have the grit to find out more areas where I can be independent that will give me the confidence to carve out a new future full of "Joy."